Two skinned knees

I fell up my stairs today and skinned my right knee. Then, in an effort to be polite, I tried to step over a desk when I finished my OChem exam so I wouldn't bother the girl next to me and I skinned my left knee on the way down. Now I have two skinned knees. Ahh, memories.

I love the sound of a fan running. I think it reminds me of my childhood. In the summer my dad would put a fan in the windows of our bedrooms... the soft hum drowning out the startling noises in the dark. I think now that I'm an adult I can really appreciate those things about my childhood. There was no way I could have known at that point in my life what these things would mean to me now.

I'm gonna go ahead and encourage comments on this one. Tell me your reminiscent childhood memories.

I wrote a new song... or rather, I finished an old one.

OChem Exam today. Yuck!

As I fall to sleep
Will you comfort me
When my heart is weak
Will you rescue me

Will you be there
As I grow cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down
Will you be there

When I'm in retreat
Can I run to you
Will my pain release
At your mercy seat

Will you be there
As I grow cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down
Will you be there
My heart grows cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down
Are you saying yes
I gotta believe it
Are you saying yeah
When your love comes down I can rest my eyes
Feel your grace and power flood into my life
As my brokenness and your strength collide
When your love comes down

As I fall to sleep

Will you be there
As I grow cold
My heart grows cold
Will you be there when I'm falling down

The answer is yes. Simply ask.

Mistakes and other things that sound like disaster

I'm sorry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I am scared out of my mind.
I don't think I should stay in one place,
but then where else should I go?
I don't think this is a disaster.
I don't know if this is a mistake.

I would recommend everyone going to the "special link" on my page today.

What is it going to take?

Roll of Film... $25
Trip to Australia... $4680
St. Paul's Musical... (~2hours/day 3days/week)
Acoustic Guitar... $500
Sign Engraving... (12hours/week)
Copyright... $30
OChem... (2 1/2 hours/week + studying)
MCAT prep course $1000
Bio... (5 1/2hours/week + studying + research project)
Sending in Med School Aplication... $50-$200

All of this ammounting to confusion and no clear goal... (Priceless) absolutely worth no price, worth nothing at all.

I need to change. One of these things need to become more important than the others and I need to go for it. Right now I think I have an even split between film and medicine. What a ridiculous combination! Aaron asked me what my dream would be at dinner tonight. I answered "to be an emergency room doctor and work 16hours/day 3days/week, and then hang out with my 2.5 kids and pursue my hobbies the rest of the week." The problem in my head is deciding whether I think that dream is worth studying 30+ hours/week and going to school for 4+ more years. So if I would decide I don't want to be in school forever, my dream then would be to make movies... or something. But the response (even in my head) is always "yeah right, you'll never make any money doing that." So the question then is "do I want to make money?" Seems simply like I need to answer that question right? Well the REAL question is "what kind of life do I want my family to have?" Is it ok to tell my kids "no kids, we're not going on vacations and having nice things because Daddy is doing what he loves for a living and being fulfilled"? Is it seriously ok to make my future wife be the primary provider? Would her family look down on me for that and discourage her from being with me? Honestly, I don't really want to do that. I want to work and bring in money to the family, but these are questions that I ask myself. How many of my goals are really MINE? Am I afraid to change them or abandon them because of what others would think? Who would I let down if I gave up on medicine? Myself? Amanda? My Family? God???

I think this is where I'm at... I want to want Medicine because I don't seem to want it enough right now to do what it will take to succeed. And why do I want it? Not because I'm sure I'd love it, but because I would be seen as successful and because it's stable. Apparently, I just realized, that I'm into pleasing others over pleasing myself. Cool. So everyone... what do you want me to become?

Wow, this blog is ridiculous. Props to anyone that finished the whole thing. And Amanda, props to you darling... props to you.