What is it going to take?
Roll of Film... $25
Trip to Australia... $4680
St. Paul's Musical... (~2hours/day 3days/week)
Acoustic Guitar... $500
Sign Engraving... (12hours/week)
Copyright... $30
OChem... (2 1/2 hours/week + studying)
MCAT prep course $1000
Bio... (5 1/2hours/week + studying + research project)
Sending in Med School Aplication... $50-$200
All of this ammounting to confusion and no clear goal... (Priceless) absolutely worth no price, worth nothing at all.
I need to change. One of these things need to become more important than the others and I need to go for it. Right now I think I have an even split between film and medicine. What a ridiculous combination! Aaron asked me what my dream would be at dinner tonight. I answered "to be an emergency room doctor and work 16hours/day 3days/week, and then hang out with my 2.5 kids and pursue my hobbies the rest of the week." The problem in my head is deciding whether I think that dream is worth studying 30+ hours/week and going to school for 4+ more years. So if I would decide I don't want to be in school forever, my dream then would be to make movies... or something. But the response (even in my head) is always "yeah right, you'll never make any money doing that." So the question then is "do I want to make money?" Seems simply like I need to answer that question right? Well the REAL question is "what kind of life do I want my family to have?" Is it ok to tell my kids "no kids, we're not going on vacations and having nice things because Daddy is doing what he loves for a living and being fulfilled"? Is it seriously ok to make my future wife be the primary provider? Would her family look down on me for that and discourage her from being with me? Honestly, I don't really want to do that. I want to work and bring in money to the family, but these are questions that I ask myself. How many of my goals are really MINE? Am I afraid to change them or abandon them because of what others would think? Who would I let down if I gave up on medicine? Myself? Amanda? My Family? God???
I think this is where I'm at... I want to want Medicine because I don't seem to want it enough right now to do what it will take to succeed. And why do I want it? Not because I'm sure I'd love it, but because I would be seen as successful and because it's stable. Apparently, I just realized, that I'm into pleasing others over pleasing myself. Cool. So everyone... what do you want me to become?
Wow, this blog is ridiculous. Props to anyone that finished the whole thing. And Amanda, props to you darling... props to you.
posted by John Shoemaker at 1:07 AM
3 Comments:
John John John.... Yeah... these questions you have are all too familiar. You are going to hate what I have to say, but I just guess I want you to know that you aren't the only one worrying about this stuff. I don't have the answer for you and I bet no one really does... you are asking all the right questions it seems... it just comes down to... what is important to you (right now).
I guess my advice to you is to think about yourself for now... while you are "young". Don't worry about you family.. you don't have kids yet and I'm sure amanda will support you no matter what you choose to do. Try different things while you can.
That being said... You are truly talented in film. You have an amazing eye for it. I have always been impressed with your works. I think you have a great chance of being succesful in it. At the same time. I know that you would also do very well in medicine. You are smart and professional and could probably be an assest to any medical center in the world.... and then there is music... don't you just hate natural talent. you are full of it.
okay well that I'm sure helped nothing, but I thought I'd throw in my two cents. I also wanted to let you know that I'm root'n for you. Maybe you could be an onsite doctor for like documentary crews or other types of movies... who knows... oh crap, sorry, one more thing.
Don't let your life be defined by your career. Choose a life goal that doesn't focus on what job you will have. Think of something more important and focus on that... let what happens with a career happen. Just make sure to stick to your life goal.
Peace john.
I love what Petey said about "think about yourself for now...while you're "young"." That's exactly right. Your future future family will odviously mean changes, but that's a long ways away. I'll back you up on anything and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You're very talented and I love you immensely.
I want you to become a circus clown!
i think whatever you do, you will make the most of it and be happy. but it seems to me like you would enjoy making films more than being a doctor. all i can really see when i think about an all-grown up john shoemaker is a red headed guy with a bunch of red headed kids hanging on him. i can see you being one of those crazy, funny parents. i hope we don't all live really far away from each other when we're older. i wanna see those red headed little runts! ha, and they don't even exist yet!! :)
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