By all accounts (today was a disaster)

Well... not by ALL accounts I guess. The song is titled that, but many things didn't go well today. Work sucked pretty bad for the first time this year... and not just because I actually had to work but because we're supposed to figure out this stupid new program but we're not getting trained. So on top of filling orders, we have to try and figure out this other software. I got no studying done for my biology exam. I spent all Sunday night (literally all Sunday night... didn't sleep) studying for an organic chemistry exam on Monday night. I didn't expect a wonderful grade or anything... but I didn't expect to be crushed so badly either. "I don't get it"... that's what I said to Amanda tonight and when she asked what it meant I said... "what my failing means... what God's telling me... O. Chem...." Basically I just don't get IT.

This weekend I'm going to a High School Confirmation Retreat to lead worship and to give a talk about God and His role in our lives. What am I doing?... I feel like I'm getting closer to God, but the truth is that I still don't have a clue. I'm just hanging on. That's really all I know how to do. I beg for guidance. "Meet me where I am and lead me where you will." That is what I ask. I feel "met" but as far as being led... am I supposed to fail my O. Chem exam? am I supposed to be stressed out all the time? am I supposed to be utterly and completely confused?

Maybe I'm still holding on to something. Maybe I'm not letting you take complete control. Maybe I'm afraid of where you would lead me. I'm so afraid to close my eyes and continue walking. (see "blind" for more on this)

Thank You for the gifts you've given me. Thank You for her love. Thank You. Please bare with me.